“I have been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness
I’ve been dying just from trying to seem cool
But I’m not a bad bitch, and this isn’t savage …”
— Taylor Swift, ‘Eldest Daughter’
I’ve now watched all six episodes of ‘The End of an Era’, the docuseries chronicling Taylor Swift’s epic Eras Tour and all the behind-the-scenes work that went into it. Phenomenal.
Now, I’m sitting here, quietly, on a Sunday evening, having worked on my latest pencil portrait (Zara Larsson, another popstar powerhouse!), thinking about how we went from ‘A Place in This World’ to … well – global superstardom, billionaire status, and musical mastermind. I still clearly remember listening to Taylor’s debut album all those years ago, thinking about how I one day wanted to touch the world with my words the way she was touching me with her music. How she was such a breath of fresh air; relatable, interesting and different from everything else on the market. My classmates, crushes and bullies were fickle, but Taylor’s music remained constant, understanding, and gentle.
I’d found my idol.
With her immeasurable success, this really gives hope to all the girls all over the world who – like me – didn’t find success in the schoolyard. Those of us who were always just a little soft, far too sensitive, considered uncool, and refused to sharpen our elbows. Look at Taylor – she’s still her kind, sweet, goofy, generous self, despite everything that’s happened to her. That takes mettle. She knows who she is, and what she has to offer – and we’re lucky to be a part of it.
As for my own development, I used to listen to all her love songs with a yearning for my own ‘Love Story’ one day.
“It’s the first kiss, it’s flawless, it’s really something … it’s fearless”
— Taylor Swift, ‘Fearless’
Years and years went by.
I waited and waited. Did my best, too. Hoped and prayed (I’m an atheist).
Started checking my invisible wristwatch …
Well … was a fairy tale in the cards for me?
Ever?
I’d endured enough. I was sectioned at 17 years old after a psychotic breakdown shattered our world. Diagnosed with schizophrenia at 18, during my seven months in hospital. I’d been bullied horrendously since moving from London to Roskilde, a small town in Denmark, and it just never seemed to stop. As a result of my illness, I couldn’t work or study, and after much effort from my parents, who were my voice when I couldn’t articulate what I needed, I finally got my early disability pension. I’d been hearing voices for as long as I could remember, but didn’t realise it wasn’t normal before I went to hospital. I’d suffered from trichotillomania since I was nine – and, once I regained some control of the condition, I hoped I’d have more luck finding my ‘happily ever after’.
I turned 30 without having had my first kiss.
30 was the year I went to the Eras Tour in Stockholm (Swiftholm).
Later in 2024, I met my boyfriend.
That tour is magical …
To be continued 🙂