Om at blive bestyrelsesmedlem i Liberal Alliance Roskilde & Lejre

Jep.

Jeg blev valgt ind i bestyrelsen den 25. juni. Så, ja … jeg har vel glemt at fortælle det – her på bloggen i hvert fald. Men det fylder hos mig, så nu kommer der et indlæg om det!

Først og fremmest vil jeg berolige jer med følgende: Jeg er omgivet af gode mennesker, heriblandt min egen far, der gør deres yderste for at beskytte og passe på mig. Det er blevet aftalt fra start, at jeg absolut ikke skal noget, der stresser mig. Jeg formåede at holde en kort tale, da jeg skulle vælges, og efter det møde skulle jeg direkte hjem og slappe af de næste mange dage.

Nu er jeg blevet webmaster.

Og indtil videre har jeg ikke gjort noget voldsomt pinligt. Det er måske den største sejr (og dog – webmaster-titlen er også pænt fed). Jeg har ikke udbrudt “Tak!” når nogen har spurgt mig, om jeg kan række dem en blyant. Jeg har ikke fået ukontrolleret grineflip på det mest ubelejlige tidspunkt (som dengang midt i en biologitime om … ehhh … menneskekroppen …). Jeg venter fortsat på, at jeg skubber til en dør, hvorpå der står “TRÆK!”, eller at mine stemmer faktisk siger noget sjovt for en gangs skyld, så jeg kunne grine for mig selv og virke underlig, men ak. Jeg må tage til takke med at misse munden, når jeg skal tage en tår vand.

Jeg er ikke blevet velsignet med evnen til at le og ryste sådanne flove episoder af mig – jeg går hjem og tænker over mig selv de næste 10 år – så jeg håber, mit skriveri kan afhjælpe cringe-factoren en smule.

For jeg vil også pokkers gerne udrette noget. Jeg er ambitiøs. Jeg er drevet. Det kan godt være, jeg ikke “ligner” det, når jeg tropper op med vindblæst hår og uden at sige noget, men tag ikke fejl. Jeg vil rigtig, rigtig gerne bidrage og være “et aktiv”. Jeg vil rigtig gerne gøre mit bedste og kun mit bedste. Jeg vil gøre en forskel og efterlade et aftryk. På en måde, jeg både kan forstå og se mig selv i.

Jeg håber, at LA Roskilde & Lejre vil beholde mig lidt endnu. Jeg tror, at jeg virkelig kunne få noget ud af at engagere mig på denne måde. Og som jeg før har nævnt, er jeg ekstrovert, trods jeg for mange virker som verdens største introvert – jeg får simpelthen min energi af at være blandt andre. Så det er også et stort plus i min bog – at jeg får lov til at “tanke op” på en måde, hvor jeg også kan bruge min hjerne og arbejde med andre for et fælles formål. Win-win!

Nå, men der er vel ikke så meget mere at sige om dét, andet end at jeg glæder mig til at gøre mit bedste så længe. Mit “stille” bedste.

Og nå ja, så skal jeg i øvrigt flytte fra mit barndomshjem gennem 15 år, men det er en anden historie! …

Tak, fordi I læste – og del gerne.

UPDATE …

Sorry for the radio silence. I’ve been ‘recovering’ from the speech 😉 Naturally, it took a lot of energy. Before, during and after. Especially after. I’ve been tired. So tired! Not much energy for anything other than painting and ceramics. I haven’t even seen my friends for ages!

I’ve also had a slight ‘dip’, which is inevitable (all that positive stress). Feeling a bit low and easily frustrated. When I’m in that kind of mood, I’m not thinking about my blog, I’m thinking about feeling better again. I’m not a depressive person by nature, but I haven’t yet found an effective way out of feeling sad when I feel sad. Waiting for it to ‘blow over’ is difficult, and often I just have to go to sleep and wait till morning – when what I really want to do is find a solution that works! And often when I’m down, everything I normally do without thinking seems insurmountably impossible – so you can imagine how frustrating that is (not being able to write a blog post, do some art, see a friend, or even just go for a walk). It’s just too overwhelming in that moment, and I’m also scared that I’ll ‘associate’ the negative feeling with anything I try to do to get out of the blues … so that thing (whether it’s writing a blog post, doing some art, seeing a friend or going for a walk) will become more challenging in the future, because I’ll have to ‘get over’ the aspect of remembering the negative feeling I had, too. Does that make sense? It seems trivial when I put it into words like that, but it’s something that’s been bothering me for a while! Does anyone else experience this? 🙂

Anyway! What else can I tell you about? Oh yeah … I turned down an opportunity to participate in a TV documentary about voice-hearers. WHAAAAT? I hear you say, but hear me out! I really had to sit down and think about it, and I decided to say no simply because I know how much minor things stress me, and I just didn’t feel ready for that kind of exposure. The format of the program meant that I (and some others) would be followed for several months – and given that it’s taken me this long to recover from a speech, I highly doubt I would be able to be ‘on’ for that long, consistently, in the way I would like. I’m not good ‘on the spot’ – I need preparation and warning, but that doesn’t necessarily work on TV! So, as much as I felt compelled to say yes, I think I’ll stick to communicating my message out in writing – that is my strength, after all – and I’ll just hope they get a good program out of it without me (and my Black Wall of Darkness) 😉

To be honest, I’m really trying to focus on my art and writing – these things are important to me and help me in my recovery. Anything else is something I have to ‘gear myself up’ to do, so, of course, I have to approach it with greater caution.

Apropos … my painting course finishes tomorrow. I’ve attended it for three seasons – with my wonderful Farfar – and thoroughly enjoyed it. Such nice people, and it’s been good for me to get out the house every Wednesday and develop my painting skills in a ‘safe’ environment. But now, I think it’s time to venture down a new path. Last year, I talked about how I’ve been offered the amazing opportunity to work with Maria Rubinke. At the time, I was taken up with my book and everything surrounding it, so we arranged that I would come after all the activity had subsided a bit. I have been at her studio a few times already, and now I look forward to perhaps coming in every week as her protégé and learn how to work in porcelain 🙂 Check out her works – she’s insanely talented!!!

So that’s what’s happening for me right now. I hope you’re all doing okay.